siesta

As it approaches me I close my eyes
A sense of ecstasy seals my core
For it explains actions in no way
Be accomplished in real;
It creates a smile on my face
Making me vigorous as I could witness
All my imaginings turning true,
Packing my being with coolness,
I sense I could leap with joy-But
As I jump, I fall from heights
For it’s a dream in my nap
I am thankful to you my siesta
For at least, with you we can envisage
Our thoughts that can
Never be accomplished in practicality!!

Lovely

“Hello, is it Mrs. Avanthi?”

“Yes, speaking”

“Car no AV 7890 is it your car?”

“Yes, my husband had taken it to office. Any Problem?”

“Mrs. Avanthi …we found the car along the Bay riverside empty. We guess you’re husband has been kidnapped”

“Kidnapped?”

“Do you have suspicion on anyone Mrs. Avanthi?” asked the Mr. Mathur

“Hmmm…. No Mr. Mathur, as far as I know Ravi has no enemies in business life or in his social life. He is an easy-going person.”

“Ok.. Let us try our best. Please do inform us if you suspect someone”

“Yes sure, Inspector”

“Mrs. Avanthi, please can you come over to General Hospital immediately?”

“General Hospital….What happened Mr. Mathur”

“If you could come here and identify…..”

“Identify what… What happened Mr. Mathur?”

“Please Mrs. Avanthi calm down and please come”

“We found a body at the same place where your husband was kidnapped today. The body was mostly burnt”

“What?” Avanthi was about to faint

She was taken inside the mortuary. The white cloth that covered the body was removed

“Avanthi went close to the body. As it was mostly burnt she was not able to identify it. Suddenly she screamed”

“Mrs. Avanthi, are you sure that it is you’re husband’s body?”

“Yes….our wedding ring… she pointed to the ring that was in the left finger of the dead”

It was tenth day after death of Ravi and people who came to console Avanthi were leaving

“Avanthi was all alone. She was just holding the photo of their wedding. Tears rolled down her eyes.

Next day Police found Avanthi lay dead in her room with her wedding photo held close to her. She had taken sleeping pills said the report.

A loud laughter was rising from the old building.

Ravi slowly opened his eyes.

“Ravi, my darling, how sweet of you?” saying so Lovely touched Ravi’s cheeks

“Just shut up Lovely, why is that you have brought me here? Leave me; Avanthi will be waiting for me”

“Avanthi?? She is no more.” said Lovely and laughed once again wildly.

“No more… Means…” Ravi was shattered.

“She committed suicide on her own by taking sleeping pills not able to bear the death of her dear husband Ravi” said Lovely and again laughed aloud

“Stop laughing, you bitch, me dead?? He was confused. He looked at Lovely”

“Avanthi committed suicide that’s what the police say,but it was me who made her drink the milk with sleeping pills” Lovely’s face turned red this time

“What? You murdered my Avanthi? Ravi was shocked”

“Yes, I murdered Avanthi by making the world believe that you were kidnapped and killed and also made the world believe that she committed suicide due to your loss”

Ravi was bewildered. “Why did you do this to your friend ?” asked Ravi

“You were best friends… What made you do this…? Ravi’s words failed him”

“Best friends…yes best friends… I loved you Ravi even before you proposed her, even before you got married, I loved you….But she got you… That’s why I need to do this... Now you’re mine… Now you’re mine...”

Lovely laughed and aloud.

“Loved me… What…?? Never I can be yours … I can never be yours… saying these words Ravi rushed to kill himself.”

“Mr. Ravi, stop” it was Mr. Mathur

Lovely you are under arrest.

“Mrs. Avanthi “called Mr. Mathur

Avanthi came in and she ran and hugged Ravi.

Lovely was shocked.

“How could this happen? I gave her the sleeping pills and left after she was dead”.

“Yes Lovely, you did give Avanthi sleeping pills and left the place thinking she was dead. If you could play a drama so well, you thought we are paid to watch

Criminals like you?

Now, we have recorded all your words and you have no way to escape.

“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo, Lovely shouted”

“This can’t happen, this can’t happen… Ravi you are always mine”

Saying so she rushed to the window and jumped out before anyone could stop her

Has caste fully been abolished??

Before some 50-60 years in the name of caste education was abandoned. Even the place of living, drinking water was separate, even at hotels, cinema theatres caste existed. Due to efforts of Leaders caste was abolished to an extent.

But if we see in general we feel that castes have been abolished. But communal clashes exist even today. The worst thing is even today only a particular caste people can be priest.


And still worse is even among educated we could see even in our own Infy BB alliance invited for particular caste boy/girl. And much worse is even when they advertise house for rent as preferred vegetarians, preferred people from this caste only.

Food habits differ, but in our country even the food habits are based on caste and people with such and such food habits considered sacred exist even today even among the educated.

When would things change? If not now then when are we going to change?

Books I read recently

JIn past one week I had read 4 books…. I am amazed at myself

The first book which I finished was பேரறிஞர் அண்ணாவின் சிறுகதை தொகுப்புகள் (Peraringar Annavin chirugathai thogupugal )

This book was marvelous. The stories were mind blowing and Tamil words usages were extraordinary.

The second book which I finished was களப்பிரர் ஆட்சியில் தமிழகம்(Kalapirar aatchiyil thamizhagam)

This book denies the fact that Kalpirar period at Tamil nadu was called as “Dark period” in Tamil nadu history. It was only during this period Buddhism and Jainism touched their peak and Hinduism had a fall. Kalapirar were basically kannadigas who ruled tamil nadu for 300 years. Just because Hinduism had its fall during this period it was made as dark period in the history of Tamilnadu. Kalapirars were mainly Jains and also Buddhists were there. Some followed Hinduism too. Also, it says in brief about Srilanka History which is full of cunningness and betrayal. Also, it says that Karnool and Kadapai ( I think the names are right )districts of Andhra Pradesh were ruled by chola Kings who escaped from Kalapirar . They made Telugu as their ruling language. This was found in the archeological evidences. It had been written that they were descendants of Karigala Chozhan.


The third book which I read was 3 mistakes by chetan Bhagat.

This was wonderful story and it explained a young man’s suicide attempt due to the three mistakes in his life. Business, friends, Religion. It also explains the earthquake of Gujarat and the communal clashes that took place between the Hindus and Muslims at Gujarat and how these things had an impact on the young man Govind Patel.


The fourth book which I completed was Darwinism Life history and brief note of his book Origin of species

This book explains the evolution of man and early life of Charles Darwin how he had made his theory Survival of fittest fit and what problems he faced in England when he released his book , how he overcome that. This book is in Tamil.

Hope, to come up with brief reviews of still more books as I finish them reading. Books are indeed good friends and great Jcompanions.

Truth is bitter - Just a share of thought!!

Always most of us think that there will be someone close to our heart who will love just us and us alone!! Live for us, care for us, love us and we too live just for the person who loves us the most. But, these things are just dreams. No one can live just for you. Things always happen that the person you love most will end up doing something that which upsets you or something that makes us fell that we are not in any concern to them. But truth remains always the truth. We can never find anyone who loves us the most and compromises things for us. If we also can’t do the same at last it ends in the breaking of relationship. All that we can do is just love the person same as before and let the differences bury for the relationship to last longer or in other words for our love to last longer for the person whom we love. Expect little and love more so that there won’t be any problem with the relationship.

Being an atheist...

Coming from an atheist family even from my childhood I have never been to temples or any worship places. Till at home, I guess these things were fine for me. When I went to school even at young age when I was in I STD I still remember when they ask me to close eyes and pray I just close my eyes but I had seldom said those words. It was exactly when I was studying at 5^th STD when I acted in a Tamil drama and all my tamil teachers were Christians and the school which I studied itself was run by Malayalam Christians. I don’t remember exactly how that argument started but I was arguing with my teachers questioning them regarding the existence of god. My teachers were puzzled I need to say, for them hearing a girl child hardly about 10 years of age questioning them something which they were following all these years left them astonished. But they always tried to make me believe in god by saying many examples of who created the earth, light everything. I too was very stubborn and had my own way of questions. My teachers had to give up to me, they admired my oratorical and argument skills but they were not ready to accept my thoughts. During the annual day that year, after I had finished my tamil skit my teachers met my parents and told your child is gifted with good oratorical skills and glad you have identified them and nurtured it but only one thing we are worried is her disbelief in god. My father smiled and did not reply anything. For him, I think he must be puzzled with my arguments at school. But he never asked me anything regarding that but made me to read many books on atheism, periyar books. Any doubt I got in these things my father would clear it for me.

Now, everyone at school came to know that I am an atheist. Thanks to my tamil teachers who made this propaganda. I had faced many issues with regarding to that. My teachers since I was good at studies they were not able to tell me anything in that regard. But still, whenever they get time they call me to staff room and ask why I had become like this? I don’t know what’s wrong in being an atheist and I was bewildered with this question of them. When I asked my father regarding this he would simply say be tolerant you will come to know many things as you grow.

It so happened in my 7^th std one of my history teacher Mrs. Joseph she is good in handling her subject and also very pious person knew about me. Though she had never taken class for me whenever she used to come to my class for substitution she used to call me ‘Satan’ and say the same to other class mates as I don’t believe in god. At first, I did not understand what does ‘Satan’ actually means as I was hearing that word for the first time. I asked my father. My father again smiled and told may be she is calling me like that as I don’t believe in god. I was surprised. But still I had no issues with my friends calling me Satan or my history teacher because I had developed a thinking that I have all right to deny the existence of god as they have all right to believe. Just because most of the population follows that does not mean what I am doing and thinking is wrong. And, need to say thanks to her because of her I became still more firm with my principles and started to learn more.

It was when I was in 10^th STD that a prayer meeting was conducted for the public going students and I need to attend it. It was compulsory. Though I was not interested to go I was made to go and get the blessings from the father who came for prayer meeting. When I came down my history teacher asked me see now you got the blessings and smiled at me in a mocking way. I told I still don’t believe in these things and I had to do it for the rules of the school insisted me to and I can never get good marks only by praying and with these blessings I need to work hard for that.

After I came to college, that again was a Christian institution and had a prayer hall, assemblies etc. Again here too I was not keen in following anything. If anyone question me why I am not praying I would simply give them a smile not telling them anything. During my first year, to cut classes we girls used to get inside the prayer hall and sit simply. Others would be reading bible and me not to know what to do will be just looking into bible, and I used to read those stories and that had made me to question many things in Christianity. I was able to see that Jesus goes with Magdalene (guess the name is right) called as prostitute and after that his returns were only at the age of 30. This made me think and that was the time when the da Vinci code was released and I had got clear understanding.

When I came for job, after a year my friends were discussing about da Vinci code and I was telling them regarding that book when a bat came and hit us. My friends got scared and told see just because we were denying about god we got this bat hit us. I smiled and told them if just for talking this bat came and hit us, what would have happened to the author who had written this book? Bat came and hit us because its late evening and we are under its nest. My friends had nothing to say.

These days my friends accept to everything I say only thing is they can’t accept the denial of god after all that needs lot of courage. Even during my grandfather’s death two years ago I was asked to hold the pandam (nei pandam) and come round his body which I denied. My relatives told being a granddaughter I must do it. Or else I will be punished by his soul. I strongly told them I do have respect and love for my grandfather and also I can’t do anything against my principles. They know asking my father is a waste because he himself did not do any customs for his father.

That night my father told me, I am happy to see my daughter not compromising her principles on any account. I am happy that you have understood all by yourself the way of life of atheism what we live. As I learnt from my father just love the people around you that’s more important than to spend time in following all these stuff of god, religion and caste. Periyar himself was a great humanist and if we read his life history its only this love for human kind had made him to deny the existence of god. Also i always get comments from people we appreciate or surpirsed on seeing a girl being an atheist. I just need to tell one thing. Women are stron in what they believe and they never give up, that's the reason why women are more pious and god fearing then men. Its difficult to make them accept a thing once they have taken it they can never give it on any account.

“whose child?”

It was raining heavily. I was standing alone at bus stop waiting for my bus to come. It was 9 PM and already there was no one due to rains. Being Friday I thought of starting early from my office but my PM assigned me a report to be finished exactly at 5 PM when I was about to leave. I had tough time trying to finish that within 4 hours and sent an onsite mail and rushed out to miss the last bus. Instead of waiting for another one hour I thought of taking public transport and that is why I am here all alone. I did not have umbrella and the drops of rain were on me through the holes on the roof of bus stop. Anyway with my duppatta wrapped around me I was waiting and was shivering uncontrollably. Just then I heard someone crying in pain from the side of bus stop. When I heard it keen I heard a feeble voice in pain and I was so scared. I managed to look through that small lane which was near the dust bin. I took my cell out and put the light on. I went near the dust bin with all my courage. I bent down and went little inside the lane and almost cried out to see a small boy of 2 years with blood all over his body. Due to heavy rains my cry was not heard. I went still near the boy and took him in my arms. I need to take him to hospital, he was breathing heavily. I carried him in my arms and came out and called for an auto that just crossed the bus stop. But, he would not stop. I ran behind the auto like a mad with the boy in my arms. But it was of vain. I don’t know what has to be done. I took my duppatta and covered his wounds with it. I saw a public phone booth nearby. I rushed near it put the boy down inside it and dialed the 100. I informed them regarding the boy and his wounds and in another couple of minutes the boy was taken to hospital nearby and was treated.

“ So, what were you doing there at that time”, asked the Inspector
“I had told you several times that I was there after my work” I answered almost irritated
“Ok, cool down. You see our investigation will be like this to find out the truth. You just need to co-operate”
“So, you are in no way related to the child “again Inspector asked me a question that made me almost angry.

“Why only did I go there at bus-stop? Why did hear this child’s cry and helped him out? Just to answer all these silly questions? Even after making him clear that I am in no way related to the kid and after showing my company’s id card he was still asking me these questions” I cribbed to myself

“Is he suspecting me? “ I was motionless for sometime

“Miss. Please go inside to see the kid. He is al right now.” said the doctor

“I went inside and looked at him and smiled”

“Amma” he called me

“I was surprised at first and later thought he is calling be Amma because he did not still recognize me as he must be feeling giddy”

“Amma where is Appa?” he asked me again.

“I don’t know exactly what to tell, I was confused”

“Appa, errr… Buttttt…….. I am not your Ammaa “I told

Just then Inspector entered and was staring at me.

“I am sure now he had decided that I am kid’s mother”

“Why did I help this kid and got into trouble like this?”

I was standing silent
“Well, Miss what you tell for this? The child is calling you mother? So there is not use in hiding things, speak out the truth” shouted Inspector

Now I was almost in tears.

“Sir, really I am not his mother, I don’t know why he is calling me like that. I looked at the kid helplessly. He was smiling at me.

“My child, I am not your mother I told. “

“No you are my mother; the kid hugged me”

“I felt like kicking him and ask him to speak out the truth”

But I need to control myself and be calm.

“So, it’s clear you have wounded the kid, the mother herself has wounded the kid and admitted to hospital also informing police” Inspector told in a stern voice

“Accept your fault and you will not be punished severely” he said

“I cried loudly, noooooo, he is not my son or I am his mother and I did not harm in anyway. The only mistake I did was I brought the child to hospital.”

But the Inspector was not ready to accept my statement.

I cried again and ran for help around the hospital. I ran to my left when the kid called me mother again. I ran to my right. At last, I fell down unconscious.

The auditorium gave a big round of applause.

Miss. Mathuri really well done. You re acting in today’s drama “whose child?” was excellent.

Love rocket!!

Her smile captivates me making my being to

Fly with bliss for her love rocket

Struck me deep in my core making me nutty

Powerless to tolerate that striking ache

Caused by the shot of love

I plead you my princess

Never keep my wait extended;

To make me glad grip my soul with your

Perpetual adore that will give me

Fulfillment of living hundred years;

Even if I am to pass away today

Let me depart this life

In the midst of your love close to my being

Resting my soul forever on you!!