Being an atheist...

Coming from an atheist family even from my childhood I have never been to temples or any worship places. Till at home, I guess these things were fine for me. When I went to school even at young age when I was in I STD I still remember when they ask me to close eyes and pray I just close my eyes but I had seldom said those words. It was exactly when I was studying at 5^th STD when I acted in a Tamil drama and all my tamil teachers were Christians and the school which I studied itself was run by Malayalam Christians. I don’t remember exactly how that argument started but I was arguing with my teachers questioning them regarding the existence of god. My teachers were puzzled I need to say, for them hearing a girl child hardly about 10 years of age questioning them something which they were following all these years left them astonished. But they always tried to make me believe in god by saying many examples of who created the earth, light everything. I too was very stubborn and had my own way of questions. My teachers had to give up to me, they admired my oratorical and argument skills but they were not ready to accept my thoughts. During the annual day that year, after I had finished my tamil skit my teachers met my parents and told your child is gifted with good oratorical skills and glad you have identified them and nurtured it but only one thing we are worried is her disbelief in god. My father smiled and did not reply anything. For him, I think he must be puzzled with my arguments at school. But he never asked me anything regarding that but made me to read many books on atheism, periyar books. Any doubt I got in these things my father would clear it for me.

Now, everyone at school came to know that I am an atheist. Thanks to my tamil teachers who made this propaganda. I had faced many issues with regarding to that. My teachers since I was good at studies they were not able to tell me anything in that regard. But still, whenever they get time they call me to staff room and ask why I had become like this? I don’t know what’s wrong in being an atheist and I was bewildered with this question of them. When I asked my father regarding this he would simply say be tolerant you will come to know many things as you grow.

It so happened in my 7^th std one of my history teacher Mrs. Joseph she is good in handling her subject and also very pious person knew about me. Though she had never taken class for me whenever she used to come to my class for substitution she used to call me ‘Satan’ and say the same to other class mates as I don’t believe in god. At first, I did not understand what does ‘Satan’ actually means as I was hearing that word for the first time. I asked my father. My father again smiled and told may be she is calling me like that as I don’t believe in god. I was surprised. But still I had no issues with my friends calling me Satan or my history teacher because I had developed a thinking that I have all right to deny the existence of god as they have all right to believe. Just because most of the population follows that does not mean what I am doing and thinking is wrong. And, need to say thanks to her because of her I became still more firm with my principles and started to learn more.

It was when I was in 10^th STD that a prayer meeting was conducted for the public going students and I need to attend it. It was compulsory. Though I was not interested to go I was made to go and get the blessings from the father who came for prayer meeting. When I came down my history teacher asked me see now you got the blessings and smiled at me in a mocking way. I told I still don’t believe in these things and I had to do it for the rules of the school insisted me to and I can never get good marks only by praying and with these blessings I need to work hard for that.

After I came to college, that again was a Christian institution and had a prayer hall, assemblies etc. Again here too I was not keen in following anything. If anyone question me why I am not praying I would simply give them a smile not telling them anything. During my first year, to cut classes we girls used to get inside the prayer hall and sit simply. Others would be reading bible and me not to know what to do will be just looking into bible, and I used to read those stories and that had made me to question many things in Christianity. I was able to see that Jesus goes with Magdalene (guess the name is right) called as prostitute and after that his returns were only at the age of 30. This made me think and that was the time when the da Vinci code was released and I had got clear understanding.

When I came for job, after a year my friends were discussing about da Vinci code and I was telling them regarding that book when a bat came and hit us. My friends got scared and told see just because we were denying about god we got this bat hit us. I smiled and told them if just for talking this bat came and hit us, what would have happened to the author who had written this book? Bat came and hit us because its late evening and we are under its nest. My friends had nothing to say.

These days my friends accept to everything I say only thing is they can’t accept the denial of god after all that needs lot of courage. Even during my grandfather’s death two years ago I was asked to hold the pandam (nei pandam) and come round his body which I denied. My relatives told being a granddaughter I must do it. Or else I will be punished by his soul. I strongly told them I do have respect and love for my grandfather and also I can’t do anything against my principles. They know asking my father is a waste because he himself did not do any customs for his father.

That night my father told me, I am happy to see my daughter not compromising her principles on any account. I am happy that you have understood all by yourself the way of life of atheism what we live. As I learnt from my father just love the people around you that’s more important than to spend time in following all these stuff of god, religion and caste. Periyar himself was a great humanist and if we read his life history its only this love for human kind had made him to deny the existence of god. Also i always get comments from people we appreciate or surpirsed on seeing a girl being an atheist. I just need to tell one thing. Women are stron in what they believe and they never give up, that's the reason why women are more pious and god fearing then men. Its difficult to make them accept a thing once they have taken it they can never give it on any account.